I like taking time on my birthday each year to reflect on everything that has happened over the last year. I do the same thing at New Year's, but that's more about goal setting. This is more internal, looking at my emotional and spiritual growth.
Last year I wrote about being haunted by the timeline that society has for women - marriage, kids, career success, etc. - and realizing that I was imposing that on myself. I'm pleased to report that I've been able to make peace with it. I spent much of the year struggling with the thought that in letting go of the timeline that I also needed to let go of the desires in the timeline. That I had to also let go of having a family. And then, in the last month or so, watching the adoption stories of Studio DIY and Elie Larson from A Beautiful Mess, I remembered that there is more than one way to make a family. I'm not giving up on the idea of giving birth to a child myself. But it has taken the pressure off that biological clock and I feel so much lighter as a result.
The other thing that I spent a lot of time working on over the past year was living instead of waiting. For my time off in the spring I kept changing my mind as to where I wanted to go, until it dawned on me that the reason was I really just wanted to go to London. It seemed like a crazy idea at first. I'd been to London last fall, I was going to be traveling alone, and it is not the cheapest place to go. Didn't I want to go somewhere new? Somewhere less expensive? Wouldn't I have more fun if I waited until I had someone to go with? I wavered for about a month before making the arrangements, and I had the BEST time. Now, when I find myself wishing I could do something I take a hard look at the reasons that I can't or shouldn't. I don't want to spend more time waiting for my life to start. I want to live it.
My wishes for the next year? Live, love, and revel. In spite of all the craziness in the world. In fact I think it's the only real antidote. A necessity for my emotional and spiritual well being. Here's to another birthday, and another year.
Photo by Sophia Dunkin-Hubby